Mālō e lelei Hiero. I enjoyed reading your story and was impressed with vocabulary like transformed and menace. Your use of dialogue put the reader right into the action. Next time you could put each new person speaking on a new line (like they do in books) as this makes it easier for the reader to tell who is speaking. You could also describe how your characters felt, was their skin tingling, their heart beating rapidly...? I'm glad your characters were rescued and survived to tell another tale : ) Megan
Malo e lelei Hiero, well done on your writing - your story was exciting to read with a beginning, middle and end, and the use of great vocabulary. Good job on using punctuation like speech marks, they can be tricky to get right.
Mālō e lelei Hiero. I enjoyed reading your story and was impressed with vocabulary like transformed and menace. Your use of dialogue put the reader right into the action. Next time you could put each new person speaking on a new line (like they do in books) as this makes it easier for the reader to tell who is speaking. You could also describe how your characters felt, was their skin tingling, their heart beating rapidly...? I'm glad your characters were rescued and survived to tell another tale : ) Megan
ReplyDeleteMalo e lelei Hiero, well done on your writing - your story was exciting to read with a beginning, middle and end, and the use of great vocabulary. Good job on using punctuation like speech marks, they can be tricky to get right.
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